The hospice people came to pick up their equipment yesterday. The hospital bed, side table, commode, wheelchair, and a few other things are now out of the house. It was a hasty change when we came home from the hospital in December and the house was in an upheaval as we prepared for hospice. The bed and dresser and other things were thrown int to the spare room. Now, hospice is done and there is a hole in the house. The empty bedroom is just a different reminder that Dave is gone.
It surprised me that when I walked into the bedroom that I broke down into tears.
A bedroom is an intimate place. Not just for what you may think. It has been for us a place of so many meaningful moments. I thought about the times of laughter and tears in that room.
Conversations that take place in the dark have a special closeness. We would often watch movies or comedy shows when we went to bed early and it is the place where our kids would climb into bed with us when they were little and sit at the edge of the bed as they grew. It is the place where they told us about their day or if Dave and I were in a fight or argument it is where we would talk through our difficulties.
When Dave first got ill and his illness went on, his depression set in and he hardly left the bed. One evening I laid down in bed with him and tried to talk him through his deep depression and help him to see a light at the end of the tunnel. We talked and I played some of his favorite praise and worship Matt Maher music. He and I sang along. It was a turning point and he moved from depression to fighting to regain his health.
The room is empty now and the practical side of me is taking this opportunity to repaint the room. My sisters are coming this week to help me put a fresh face on that room. In the meantime, I am still sleeping in the guest room. I may just stay there.
We celebrated Dave yesterday too. We ended the day with dinner at one of Dave's favorite restaurants in St. Paul. Grand Catch and the seafood menu is a newer place we had found during the last couple of years and Courtney and Dave could plow through the crab legs by the bucketful.
Yes, we mourn but we celebrate Dave too and are grateful for the memories.
