Good Friday and the Cross

This year I am trying to write about my Triduum experience in comparison from  when I wrote about it five years ago.
Each year the Triduum is the same but we experience it differently.
I have started the habit of  slowly meditated the stations of the cross using ‘A Walk of Mercy – The Divine Mercy Stations of the Cross.’  Saying the stations slowly has become a yearly tradition for me since discovering this version a few years ago. Each year, it seems a different station affects me. Initially it was the station where Jesus meets the women, this year it is the second station where Jesus takes up His cross.  The meditation that accompanies this station is from St. Ignatius.

Take, O Lord, and receive my entire liberty,
my memory, my understanding and my whole will.
All that I am and all that I possess you have given me:
I surrender it all to you
to be disposed of according to your will.
Give me only your love and your grace;
with these I will be rich enough,
And will desire nothing more.

I can’t seem to pray that prayer and really mean it.  Take my memory and my whole will?  Yikes!  Nope,  I can't really mean that one.  How does taking up my cross mean I need to surrender.  I am Minnesota tough and I thought I need to tough things out to carry my cross.  I thought to “offer it up” meant to  be quiet and quit complaining.
This year as I celebrated the Passion Service I was struck by the immensity of the cross that was carried in for veneration. Five big adult men (and one was a retired professional football player) struggled to carry the huge cross into the church. Not one of these men could have handled the cross alone.
I watched as people I knew came forward to venerate the cross. Families who had lost their children at too young of an age, cancer survivors,  a couple struggling with infertility, a widower, a divorcee, a woman who placed her child for adoption, those struggling with aging parents and those with outward frailties with walkers and canes, each stepped up to embrace this huge cross.  Not a one of them could have budged the huge thing alone, yet alone carry it. I thought about my own crosses I have had to carry in my life; the loss of a son and sister as well as parents and in-laws, various work difficulties and financial setbacks, betrayals and deep misunderstandings as well healing in parts of myself that I continue to struggle with.
As I reflected on these struggles I realized that I was only able to truly heal when I quit carrying my cross alone.  It was when I allowed others to help me and ultimately when I surrendered the cross to Christ that I experienced healing.

I surrender it all to you...

I still have a long way to go in surrendering but Jesus, I trust in you may need to be my mantra for a very long time.

Holy Thursday: The Lace Tablecloth

I went to Holy Thursday Mass last night. I almost didn't go.  Things have changed from 5 years ago when I wrote the post below.   I have lost some people in my life and I thought it might be too sad.  I went and sat with a friend who I unexpectedly saw there. It was fine. It actually ran through my head that..."this is fine... nothing special, but fine."

Then when the came out to "dress" the altar I noticed that the linen was a tablecloth that once belonged to Mary Varley. Mary was an older woman form my parish that showed me such great faith.  I used to do all of the "decorating' at the church and she would dutifully bring this tablecloth to the parish every Holy Thursday and she (only she) would then wash it and iron it. She lovingly shared her time and reverently shared this bit of herself with the church. She taught me many things through these actions. She passed away quite a few years ago now.

I met her for tea one time and asked her about her prayer life.  She told me to talk to Jesus like a friend, like you would talk to someone over a cup of tea.

When I saw the table cloth, I started to cry a little.  I realised that she was there. I realised that all of the people I loved and missed were right there at the Mass with me.  Some of the people I was missing had moved away but I knew they were celebrating this same Mass but in their new parishes. Some of the people I was missing have died.

That lace tablecloth reminded me that...
All the people I love are with me in the Mass.

Every year the Triduum is the same but it is always different because we are different.
Last night I learned that "The Eucharist is the sacrament of love. It signifies love. It produces love." (A quote from Thomas Aquinas)

Below is a post from 5 years ago but I think I will repost the Triduum series I wrote five years ago again this year with new insights from today.

Reflections on the Triduum - Holy Thursday
/http://catholichotdish.com/general/reflections-on-the-triduum-holy-thursday/

Bullies on the Playground

Today’s first reading has all the trappings of an excellent Cecil B. Demille movie… Complete with Charlton Hesston cast in a leading role!  We have the three followers of the true God; Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and

 they will not serve the God of King Nebuchadnezzar.  (Daniel 3:14-20) The names in themselves cause me to never volunteer to be a lector at a Mass with this reading.  In fact, I know a priest who frequently, and lovingly in an effort to remember the pronunciation, refers to Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego as Me-shack, You-shack and the Bungalow!

The names and setting may harken to an ancient time but the story could be placed into my life today. The golden statue that the faithful three are asked to worship can be likened to other idols in modern times. For many, it can be the idolization of money, power or status, but when I read this today the idol took on a different form. 

The faithful three are infused with the love of God and the truth of who they are as children of God.  With that knowledge and love, they can endure anything. The idol that I find that others want me to worship today is not made of gold or shaped like a calf, it is the idol of self-doubt and denying my own self-worth.  King Nebuchadnezzar is like a bully wanting the three to believe the lie.

I find even today as a woman well into my fifties, people around me who are no different than the bullies on the playground or the King on his thrown. Others around us want us to believe the lie that we are not good enough or force us to be under their power.  Thankfully we have the truth. Thankfully we have the Holy Spirit who dances in the flames and the fire with us to remind us of who we are. 

I am a child of God. I am a woman of faith. God is real and He knows me and loves me.

It saddens me to think that I sometimes loose that faith and believe the lie.  It is only when I walk with Christ and remain in that relationship with the Son of God that I am free from the lie.

"If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples,
and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:31-32

Only daily prayer and daily scripture keeps me in relationship with Him. My daily prayer is like the angel of the Lord in the fire with Me-shack, You-shack and the Bungalow or the friend who defends me against the bully on the playground.  I can’t do it without Christ but with Christ at my side I can be set free.

What lies do you believe?

What bullies do you face?

Imagine Christ at your side on the playground of life to defend you.  Believe the truth.

To See as God Sees

To See as God Sees
By Sharon Wilson

Repost Friday... This post is from a few years back but worth revisiting. 

Have you ever met someone famous? Did you treat them differently than the people you have known for years?

In today's gospel, Jesus says, “A prophet is not without honor except in his native place and among his own kin and in his own house.” (Mark 6:4)

In my work with WINE: Women in the New Evangelization, I have met some really cool people. Some would say they are famous people, but we jokingly call it "Catholic famous," because the Catholic world is small. I’ve met Teresa Tomeo of EWTN and Kitty Cleveland, who shares her amazing voice at Catholic conferences all across the country. I work with Kelly Wahlquist and many other authors and speakers.

But here is the coolest thing about this circle of women involved with WINE: we have a spirit of unity that exalts everyone’s gifts.

Barb Schleicher, who coordinates the blog posts for WINE, is honored in her gifts, as is Sarah Damm, who coordinated marketing, and Linda Harmon, who was our accountant. These women are not “famous” by worldly standards, but they play essential roles in the WINE ministry. I am honored to know them.

It can be easy to be “star struck” by “important” people until we change our definition of important people.

A few years back during Lent, instead of giving up chocolate, I gave up comparing myself to others. It was an interesting time for my personal growth. This year, I decided to give up comparing others to others. Comparing one cantor at Mass with another or one coworker’s gifts to someone else doesn’t allow me to see them as God sees them. By not comparing the attributes of one person to another, I have been able to find the unique gifts that each person brings to this world.

It is easy to fail to see the gifts in the people you see every day or people you live with. I wonder if I would have missed Jesus’ teaching had He been the guy who lived down the street or the kid I rode the bus with while growing up. Would I have discounted Him because I could only remember Him as a toddler or focus on His dirty sandals and not His great love?

One result of this exercise of focusing on each person’s gifts is that it has caused me to reflect on why it is so easy to discount others' abilities or focus on comparing. Most often I think it is my own insecurities speaking. Will I fail to see the prophet in my neighbor, because I am trying to exalt myself?

For a day, a week, or the rest of Lent, try giving up comparing people and focus instead on the unique gifts each person brings. You may find a prophet in your own town or even your own home.